I was looking for a fabric the other day with lambs on it for a project for my daughter and this was the only one I could find.
Dictionary.com defines Black sheep as:
- a sheep with black fleece.
- a person who causes shame or embarrassment because of deviation from the accepted standards of his or her group.
In case I haven’t been clear. I’m white and this daughter is African American with dark skin and she has not caused shame or embarrassment in any way shape or form. Ever.
She has a hysterical sense of humor and I held the fabric and thought about the jokes we could make and almost, almost went to the cutting table. I looked at the line and saw two African American women there and put it back. Not out of fear of what they might say or think, but because looking at them reminded me of the message I did not want to give my girl.
Micro-aggressions hit my kids in many various ways. They are in a racial minority, being adopted whether trans-racially or not is a minority and being part of the LGBTQ community is a minority. I catch myself as often as I can but still slip up and say something about how Cousin Jeff is just like Uncle Joe or your friend Sue looks just like her mom. You get the picture. When you are adopted, trans-racially or not there are constant reminders that you are different. It is on me to minimize my contribution to that and I admit that I am still learning, apologizing and correcting myself on the regular.
Yesterday my girl said she came out of school with a new friend whose mom was waiting for her and she said – oh, are you adopted too? Mutual adoption high-fives occurred. Of course I didn’t even have to ask her about their race because obviously their races didn’t match, otherwise there wouldn’t have been immediate recognition. Always happy when those serendipitous acknowledgements of – I’m not alone – occur for my kids.
Over the summer I was out and about with Callie and she draws a lot of attention wherever we go. She wears neon pink sound protectors due to severe sensitivity to sound and walks very quickly, not always aware of obstacles, including people, in her way. She can be loud or ask awkward questions or get into people’s space. She makes an entrance everywhere we go.
I remember thinking on one outing this summer that I would just like to walk around like most everyone else and blend, just blend. Sometimes you just don’t want to stand out like the black sheep on this fabric. Sure sometimes people like to stand out from the crowd – fly your freak flag – be unique – we encourage that in this family, not that we have a choice really, so embracing is generally the best strategy, but sometimes though, you just want to be part of the landscape and just melt into the crowd and rather than being observed by other people be the observer for a change. Let your eyes scan the crowd rather than feeling them all on you.