More Bureaucracy to Tackle

Friday was the day we took Callie to Social Security to apply for SSI. There should be no reason anyone should question it or make it difficult for her to apply and yet. We did all we could online and sent in lots of documentation that shows she’s bee disabled since birth and still we had to go in.

When we arrived about 10 min. early there were already a good 30+ people in line and at least 10-15 more arrived after us. By the time they opened the door you could barely move in the lobby. Keep in mind people who are at a social security office are disabled, elderly or both. No one in line was in our girl’s category. When we finally talked with the person processing Callie’s application we were told we didn’t need to bring her. Yes, but we’ve found bringing exhibit A along helps the process and yes, I know how that sounds and that’s how it feels but that’s the game and we know how to play it.

In line with us was a young woman who just needed a name change and couldn’t find any info on the inadequate website. She waited at least 30 min to find out there is only one office in our area where you can do that and this one wasn’t it. 

Also in line with us were a couple likely only a few years older than we are who were both governmental workers and tried to apply online but had no success and so took time off work to stand in line to apply. Its unnecessary for me to say how inefficient this is. 

We were making our way in to the office and we thought we heard Callie’s name called. We actually had an appt and most in line did not. We ran in and whoever called our name had disappeared. We sat for awhile and as our line-mates got up to the only computer for checking in, yes one computer for 50 or 60+ people by this time,  Daddy-O asked if he could jump back in and register. Thankfully they were kind and let him back in.

We were called up and were told they couldn’t find we had an appt. We gave the gentleman the paper SSA had sent us with Callie’s name, address, appt. date and time and what we should bring to the appt. they said we didn’t have. We had also received a reminder phone call. He didn’t seem to care about the paper but we pushed it towards him until he took the paper to talk to someone else and then we were called to another window. As we walked that direction I called to him as we passed where he was that we’d been called back. Yes, it’s as confusing and chaotic as it sounds.

Side note – when Daddy-O took Christian to his appt a few years back they also couldn’t find his name. Mark kept telling them his name and they kept saying no. So Mark was wondering if perhaps for some reason his pre-adoptive name, which we are not supposed to know, was linked to his SS#. Finally the processor looked around and said it was Baby Boy – tell me it’s Baby Boy. Yes, you heard that right. He had no name at birth so his original SS# read Baby Boy and that’s where his file was. Insert deep sigh here.

Our next processor was Jenny and she was very helpful. She thanked us for doing so much online even though we weren’t sure it worked in the first place. She said it would normally take 1 1/2 hrs. but this would save a lot of time. We were there 90 minutes.

Now, let me fill in this beauty. Our girl’s BD is just a couple days before the end of September. We didn’t want to procrastinate as her adoption subsidy ended the day she turned 18 and our family budget is tight. When you apply no matter how long it takes to process you will receive payment back to your application day. We applied the day after her BD. When Daddy-O called because we had received a rejection letter the first time applying he was told it was too bad he’d applied in the same month as her BD because it  meant she was a minor when he applied and it just mucked it all up. So, any other parents or teachers or social workers – spread the word – wait until your child’s first full month of 18 before you apply for SSI.

After all was completed with Jenny she told us it would be 3 or 4 months before we would hear whether she was approved and for what amount. The fact that we have a paid mortgage works against us and the fact that she has two brothers who also receive SSI also works against us – i.e. smaller payment. Just as when our kids were under 12 and we’d go to kids eat free night at a restaurant – our big family size works against is as it was one kid per one adult and our ratio never quite worked out that way. Now our ratio and the fact that we’ve been as frugal as possible thus paying off our mortgage will work against us. 

So we wait to see and in the meantime we are without that financial support. We’ll be fine. As I said we don’t have a mortgage, but there are many for whom it would be far less than fine. The poverty rate for those with disabilities is appalling. 

I certainly don’t have all the answers for how to improve the SSA but it could certainly start by not requiring an appt for those citizens who have documentation of their disabilities going back to infancy. We can all agree on that can’t we?

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Dear Typical Mom

Dear Typical Mom,

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that when we lined up for seats on the Extreme Swings at the amusement park today your tween-age daughter got the seat next to my teenage daughter.

Sorry that your girl was too uncomfortable to sit next to my girl. That she was so uncomfortable that she traded seats with you, and very sorry that you let her.

Sorry you missed an amazing teachable moment with your girl.

You have no idea of the opportunity you missed.

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You missed teaching your girl that she should show respect to those who need a little extra loving care. Even if she was too freaked out to sit by my girl you could have, at the very least, modeled it for your girl. You could have talked with Callie, introduced yourself and your daughter – anything to show your girl that you valued my girl.

You missed knowing a girl, if even for a few minutes, that rode the Extreme Swings and then went to the children’s area to ride the children’s swing ride with just as much unabashed enthusiasm.

You missed spending just a few moments with a girl who demonstrates Satchel Paige’s “Dance like nobody’s watching” quote better than anyone. She jammed to a tune while she waited to ride on the Enterprise, a spinning ride that is vomit-worthy, while others backed away from her. I don’t know if it was because they didn’t want to be near her or because she is a brazen, audacious dancer and she never, ever gives the gawkers around her a second thought. She dances without regard to the stares because, well, because it truly is nobody’s business and unlike most of us, she embraces that. I absolutely adore that about her.

I’d say it’s your loss, but it’s my girl’s loss too. Every time she is ignored it is a missed opportunity to practice her social skills.

So, truly, I am so sorry. Sorry that you missed an opportunity to meet a person so uniquely made, a mold breaker to be sure. I know I’m biased, but I’m pretty sure you missed a one in a million opportunity.

Sincerely,

Mom who is proud of her atypical girl

 

One of These Things is Just Like the other

Several times this week I’ve been looking at the Disney/princes/Barbie aisles in Target looking for something for Callie’s Easter basket and today looking with her for a new doll. It’s been very disappointing to see the lack in diversity – not surprising – but disappointing.

In the Easter basket aisle I saw this.  My first thought was, “One of these things is not likeImage

the other” – oh wait, no – all the same.  Since our country is now comprised of about 36%  people of color then Disney should have had at least one of these three some shade of brown and no, brown hair and green eyes don’t count.

Today Callie wanted to replace the only boy doll she had but lost, so back to Target we went.  The only boy “Barbie” dolls they had were blue eyed blondes – seriously.  She found a wedding set with Barbie, Ken, a ringbearer and a flower girl – every last one blue-eyed blondes.  That was out both because of the complete lack of diversity along with the price tag, not to mention the wedding obsession she does not need fanned.

She finally settled on a set of princesses.  More than I wanted to spend, but it’s a rare occasion that she gets to pick out a toy.  This was also a disconcerting purchase.Image

Seven princesses – seven – and only Tiana is “of color”.  Where are Mulan or Pocahantas?  I can not be the only mother, no matter what my ethnicity, who wants their child to have toys that reflect the beauty of the entire world we live in, not just a portion of it.  It’d be like playing with one color of legos – how boring would that be.

Come on Disney – get with it.  It’s hard enough that I have a daughter who in interested in something like princesses, don’t make it even harder for me by only promoting the submissive pure white ones.

Obsession

Remember the perfume Obsession?  They made it sound so alluring, captivating, enticing and, of course, sexy.  It’s also a synonym for fetish or mania – doesn’t sound so alluring now does it.

Dealing with a child who is totally obsessed and can’t be redirected is exhausting.  Yesterday Callie was in a very obsessive mood. The other kids are more than aware of her over the top one track mindedness too and they know we try to avoid anything that brings it front and center to her mind.  At church they were showing a DVD about a marriage conference and Jacob ran over to me and said, “Why are they showing this it’s just giving Callie ideas!”.  He knew what it would likely lead to and it did.  She spent the rest of the service trying to touch, hold hands or kiss whoever she could capture and generally make completely uncomfortable.

We will not be purchasing any Obsession any time soon around here.  Why purchase something you can get absolutely free?  What I’d like to be able to do is sell it.  Not the perfume, the less good smelling mania version – anyone?  Anyone at all?